If ever there was a time where a moment captured your beauty, it was tonight. On the tenth floor of the library on campus; sitting beside each other in a little cubicle. You staring at me, I staring at you; our heads down, just smiling at each other. Surrounded and protected by the books of knowledge, sitting on the shelves, waiting to be read, I sat there reading the look in your eyes. There was not a moment that night where I did not melt. You’re innocence had captured my heart and trapped it in every cell of my body. Your eyes sparkled. Your smile illuminated with divine light. I kept praying to God for this moment to never end. I prayed for time to cease, for everything around our cubicle to stop. I wrinkled my nose at you in love, and you laughed an adorable laugh; a sound which my heart interpreted as music. A large lock of hair fell over your eye, covering most of your face; leaving only a small part of your cheek exposed. I melted again, as your beauty looked more beautiful with your hair littered all over your face. I reached over and kissed that little part of your exposed cheek and put my head back down on the table. You smiled the most loving smile I had ever seen. We sat like that for the rest of the night. How I wish I could have stopped time…
One of the few things that I truly desire in this world is a daughter. I hope that Inshallah one day, when I am happily married that I am blessed with at least one. I think that this desire comes from my desire to have a sister. I’ve never had a sister and so the way I see it, having a daughter would a good alternative.
Its funny because the last few Jummas that I have gone to, I’ve been distracted by the cute little daughters that the Uncle’s in front of me struggle to take control of. They are just so cute. Some of them will come in with their cute little hijabs on, getting wholly irritated when it doesn’t stay on their heads…when I see a little girl it just melts my heart. Everything about them; their hair, the way they cry and bug their parents, their innocence, their eyes, their smile, their laughter…just everything.
I frequently lay in bed and wonder what it would be like to have a daughter; how wonderful and colourful life would be. I would just love to dress her up and decorate her with all the little girly things you can get at the store. I just know that once I have a daughter, I’ll be grabbing every hair bow, every frock, every doll and anything else that baby girls play with. I always picture myself taking her to the park or to Chucky Cheese’s and just watching her play and be happy. I picture myself taking her to school on her first day, consoling her if she started crying and utterly missing her while I am at work. I picture coming home after work and having her run up to me and hug and kiss me and tell me that she missed me.
I would love to watch as she grows and matures into a beautiful young woman, with her own ideas and accomplishments. Frequently I can imagine having conversations about anything and everything; being a friend to her, having her confide in me, coming to me with her problems and concerns. I imagine fighting with her, laughing with her, crying with her. I imagine feeling crushed when something doesn’t go her way and feeling jubilant when everything goes her way. I just imagine her…being.
I can’t wait until she is born. I can’t wait until she starts crawling and walking. I can’t wait until she begins to speak. I can’t wait until she begins to develop her own thoughts and ideas. I can’t wait until she grows up and gets married, has her own husband and kids. I cannot wait until that one day where she realizes that she is truly happy.
I consider daughters to be a gift from God. They are like this little peice of heaven that God gives us to enjoy. They are truly blessings of Allah. Daughters become sisters, wives, mothers, grandmothers and in some cases, great grandmothers. They keep humanity constant. They bring life and happiness to a household. They bring colour and goodwill, caring and love into a family.
To this day, I cannot understand how people treat their daughters in the manner that they do. All to frequently I hear of mothers and fathers treating their daughters as if they were a piece of meat, a slave or something that can be replaced. Even as I write this post, I am speaking to a friend who is living in a poisonous environment at home. I can’t understand these honour killings and how a father or the entire family can drive themselves to kill their daughters. Perhaps I am naive. Perhaps I will never understand it. But everytime I hear a story like that, my heart breaks. To do that to something that is so beautiful…its just heartbreaking.
I have already selected a list of names to consider for my daughter. And as soon as I am in a position to do so, I will set up a little savings account for my daughter that I will give to her when she enters university. I also want to set up a small savings account for her wedding. There is a particular reason for this. I once went to a wedding of this girl that I vaguely knew. Sparing the details, her wedding ended up happening in their two bedroom townhouse in an area of the city that wasn’t the greatest. Her mother was a sweetheart; one of the nicests and most endearing people I know. Anyways, her daughter was having the wedding in their tiny little townhouse. There were tires outside on the lawn. The stairs were creaking when she came down. There was hardly any room for us to sit. There were spiders crawling on the carpet. I can’t really describe it but it was just heartbreaking. This Auntie did not deserve to have her daughter be married in the way she had. And it wasn’t really her fault. Circumstances were as such that they had no alternative. I couldn’t bare to look at either Auntie or her daughter in the eye because I was embarrassed for them. Again, it was utterly heartbreaking. After that day, I vowed that I would never let me daughter go through something like this. I vowed to save up money and give her the wedding of her dreams.
Even if I were to be denied every other desire for the rest of my life, I would consider my life complete to have even one daughter. And Inshallah, I pray that Allah grants me this one wish of mine.
If the world is truth, than I am false.
If the world is love, than I am heartbreak.
If the world is light, than I am a shadow.
If the world is an optimist, than I am a pessimist.
If the world is united, than I am divided.
If the world is whole, than I am broken.
If the world is round, than I am flat.
If the world is ordered, than I am chaotic.
If the world is a friend, than I am lonely.
If the world is meaning, than I am meaningless.
If the world is intelligent, than I am naive.
If the world is relevant, than I am irrelevant.
If the world is of God, than I am lost.
Thus is the turmoil of my individual self in this world of great.
I cannot remember if I have ever wrote about this friend of mine on here and frankly I am too lazy to check right now given that its like 1 in the morning. And even if I did write about her, she is certainly worth another mention at the very least.
I met her in high school. She was in one of my option classes. We started talking slowly, mainly through one of her other friends that sat behind me. Eventually I got to know this girl and we essentially became friends. As we became closer she began to share some of her life story with me, which was hard for her given her circumstances. I would consider her story to be quite tragic. Her father turned out to be a very bad person and is not really in her life anymore. She absolutely adores her brother. Sometimes I get jealous of her brother because he is so lucky to have a sister like her. Anyways, we went to the same university and maintained communication there, although not as often as I would have wanted to.
She is one of the most beautiful souls I have ever had the pleasure of meeting. She is the type of person that honestly deserves all the happiness in the world. Ever since I can remember, I have always admired her. I have always looked up to her. I have always been intimidated by how smart she was. No matter how well I did in school, she would always do better than me. In fact (and this remains a secret) she used to “help” me on my assignments and tests. Her personality and character is something that is truly to be looked up to. She is such a strong person. She’s been through so much in her life and has managed to overcome every adversity that has come to face her. She is the type of person that I wish all the happiness in the entire world. In fact, I would go so far as to say, without any exaggeration that, I would be willing to sacrifice my happiness just so she could be happy. Out of all the people that I went to high school with, she is the only person that I truly respected, in every sense of the word. She is beautiful both inside and out. She is what one would call a beautiful mind. I wish her all the best. I know for a fact that she will be successful in any endeavour that she embarks upon. She’s already made a good sister and a good daughter. I am confident that she will make a good wife and a good mother as well as a good grandmother. It is very rare that one meets people that they actually remember for the rest of their lives. She is one person that will not fade into a distant memory. Great people never fade away. They conquer your lifetime. She is one of those people.
Dekh Ta Reh Gaya Mere Ishq Ka Janaza.
Samaj Mein Nahi Aata Kya Ho Gaya.
Phhir Ta Tha Mera Ishq, Khush
Aap Lipta Wa Hai Mere Samne, Khushq.
Janaza Ut Raha Hai Aab.
Namazain Par Li Hain
Duaen Maang Li Hain
Aab Tu Zameen Ho Ga Iss Ka Dewana
Mitti Ho Gi Is Ka Sung.
Ishq To Jawani Main Hi Ta
Jub Iss Ka Tumse Mil Na Hu Wa.
Aab To Iss Ka Kya Baan Na
Mitti Ka Yaar Baan Gaya.
Meri Ma, Heer Ne Kaha Tha
Ke Insaan Mar Sak Ta Hai
Par Ishq Kabi Nahi Marta.
Meri Ma Heer, Yeh Dekho!
Ishq Mera Dafan Ho Raha Hai!
Khuda Ki Marzi
Koi Nahi Rok Sak Ta.
Baitha Hua Hoon Mere Ishq Ki Kabar Ke Saath.
Dafan Ho Gaye Hain Woh Neche
Aanson Ruk Nahi Rahe
Shauk Se Bai Rahe Hain Aankon Se
Aur Tarap Ke Chalang Mar Rahe Hain Qabar Pe.
Yeh Hai Khoobi Zindaghi Ka
Ke Saaron Kay Le Aaj Eid Hai
Aur Mere Liye Qayamat.
Log Apne Aap Ko, Bhainon Aur Baition Ko Sajaa Rahe Hain
Aur Main Is Qabar Ko Sajaa Raha Hoon.
Aab Kadam Le Raha Hoon Ghar Vapis.
Kya Kehna Iss Tufan Qayamat Ka
Aab To Barish Bhe Uss Ishq Ke Aankon Ki Chamak Lag Ne Wali Hai.
Kadamain Bhe Khali Aur Aawaara Ho Gaye Hain.
Jo Maza Woh Tha Ghar Vapis Jane Ka
Aab Lag Ne Lag Gaya Hai Zeher.
Ponch Gaya Hoon Aab Ghar
Khamoshiyat Ne Ghar Ko Ghar Bana Liya Hai
Aandhera Bitcha Wa Hai Chadar Ke Tarhan.
Ishq Ke Beghair Ghar Khali Ho Gaya Hai.
Ghar Khud Ban Gaya Hai Aik Qabarestan
Jidhar Har Jaga Yaadein Dafan Hoin We Hain.
Bistar Pe Laita Wa
Samaj Nahi Aati Ke Zamana Kidhar Se Kidhar Chala Gaya.
Aik Wakhat Chor Ke
Aur Dekh Ta Reh Gaya
Mere Ishq Ka Janaza
By Virtue of Loyalty I wish to congratulate my readers on the arrival of the new year. I started this blog one year ago this week and I did not contemplate that it would go so well. My following is small, though growing and I wish I had more time to contribute more posts to it. But as they say, quality is greater than quantity. I know you guys desire more from me and Inshallah this coming year, I shall do my best to add to my little space as much as possible. I thank each and every one of my readers from the bottom of my heart and wish each and every one of you a very happy new year. Please remember me in your prayers and make dua for myself and my family.