To Preserve Another Dream

Last night I dreamt that my dad died. 

I have had dreams like this before but usually the people who died in my dream had already passed on long before.  This is the first time that someone still alive had died in my dream.  And this is the first time a person from my immediate family had died. 

I am not sure how my dad died.  All I remember was that I showed up home and his body was already at the mosque ready for burial. 

I remember that I could picture him in my head wrapped in a white cloth.  I tried to picture what his face was going to look like when I saw him.  Oddly, my mother and my brothers were calm and collected.  Nobody was crying. 

It’s been a few hours since I woke up from this dream so I am trying to recall all the small details.  All I remember now is that we were living in a bi-level house.  I remember I had a calm sense of relief knowing that I had a job and I would be able to support my family. 

I remember I went downstairs to my room.  I was getting ready for my dad’s funeral.  That is when it started to hit me that he was died.  I would spontaneously break down into a few seconds of crying and then remind myself to keep composure.  I would tell myself that I will cry at the Mosque, not at home. 

I got ready and went upstairs to the entrance of the house, where we put our shoes and coats.  I remember looking at the time.  It was around 12.30 in the afternoon.  The sun was shining through the windows of the house.  I remember telling my mom that it was too early to leave the house.  We still had an hour and half until we were supposed to be there.  My mom, still calm and composed, told me that it was alright, that she wanted to take her time and relax on her way to the Mosque. 

I told my mother OK, and I was on my way back downstairs to my room.  That’s when I saw my Dad, who I thought was dead, coming down the stairs.  I couldn’t believe it.  He started walking down the stairs wearing this blue ski jacket that he always wears; the one where the zipper is broken and the only way to stay warm in it is to simply button it up. 

I remember feeling this incredible feeling of joy, a type of happiness that I have never ever felt before in my entire life.  It was almost a complete sense of utter inner peace.  As he’s coming down, I remember him getting slightly mad and giving me a 20 dollar bill.  He didn’t exactly hand it to me, rather he let it go and it kind of fluttered in front of me.  I let it fall to the ground. 

He then preceded to come downstairs.  He began to smile.  I remember that in the back of my head I knew that he wasn’t real.  That I was just seeing him in my head.  But I was still overjoyed nonetheless.  I tried to tell my mom that my dad was here.  But her back was turned to me and I couldn’t manage to grab her attention. 

He came down the stairs smiling.  He said something to me while going down the stairs.  He said it in Urdu.  He said it in two parts.  The first part, I can’t really recall what he said.  And in the dream,  remember asking myself what it meant that he said.  They were words in Urdu that are beyond me.  The second part he he said, he said as he walked past me and attempted to open a door.  He said something along the lines of, (in Urdu) “…with money” or “with this money, you” or “we will be able to pay off this house.” 

That’s when my eyes opened.  When I woke up it was sunny.  I never blinked for a good minute.    The sun was shining brightly through my window.  I have an odd feeling that I woke up at 12.30 in the afternoon because when I decided to look at the clock, it was about 12.55 in the afternoon.  I was so scared when I woke up because I actually thought the dream was real.  I layed there for for what seemed like a good chunk of time trying to remind myself that it was just a dream.  I also wanted to go upstairs and check of my dad was in fact alive.  But I didn’t. 

I have always heard that when someone dies in your dreams it means they will have a long life.  I don’t know if its actually true or not.  But I kept telling myself that this dream is a good sign and that he in fact will have a long life, as a means of comforting myself and trying to overcome the fear I was experiencing. 

I really don’t know what this dream means.  I am not sure if I want to know.  Maybe it means nothing.  All I know is that I am glad my dad is alive right now.