Don’t we all…or well most of us anyways, wish we could go back in time? If I were to go back in time, I would go back for two things. For one, I would not get into the relationship I did some years ago and develop those feelings for her which I can’t get rid of. And Second, I would try harder in school; the topic of this entry.
I don’t know what it is but it seems that the harder that I have tried, the crappier I have done. And the less work I have put in, the better I have done. High school is what I regret the most probably. If I had learned to study in high school, I would be doing so much better now. And its so frustrating because I love what I learn. I wouldn’t want to be learning anything else…well except for medicine. I love what I learn and yet, my marks suggest that I don’t. Now its coming to the point where its do or die. And if I don’t do, I WILL die. I have nothing else to go back to…nothing else to fall back on. If this is taken away from me, I don’t know what I will do. And the weird thing is, I am scared but I am not paniced. Maybe that’s a good thing but it feels so wrong…and eerie. I hate logging on to the Uni website because I get so depressed..all these thoughts of failure come rushing into my head. I know I have to face this stuff head on but I don’t have the guts to…I don’t have the energy. And yet, if I don’t get my act together, I will be left with nothing. How odd is that. I think the only thing I have left now is prayer. And God knows I don’t do a whole lot of that.