Santa is a Communist

communist Children of the world…UNITE! Unite against this evil-do’er we call Jolly O’l Saint Nick. My friends, yes, it is true. Santa is a communist. Since the early days of the industrial revolution, Santa has been brazenly feeding his brand of Marxism to our innocent, young, capitalist minds. This must cease immidiately. That is why, Santa Claus must be exposed for what he really is: An evil Marxist Leninist that has successfully penetrated our society, hellbent on destroying the capitalist utopia we have struggled so hard to build.

ho chi minh The infamous “Ho Ho Ho” that is the very trademark of Santa Claus is actually the most simple of tools used to indoctrinate our children. “Ho Ho Ho” is actually a direct reference to Nguyễn Sinh Cung aka Hồ Chí Minh, the founder of the Viet Minh Independence Movement in 1941 who later became the leader of the one party communist republic nation-state in Vietnam in 1955. Just as Minh atempted to emulate Mao Zedong with his Land Reform Campagin, Santa has been busy redistributing wealth by handing out toys for free to those children that he deems to be “nice.” What exactly constitutes definintion of nice? We don’t really know. “Ho Ho Ho” is indeed the perfect peice of propaganda to instill in children that redistribution of property and wealth is in fact a good thing.

red army The trademark colours of Santa are red with a touch of white as an accent. Red, as well all know, is also the primary colour for the Рабоче-Крестьянская Красная Армия – Raboche-Krest’yanskaya Krasnaya Armiya better known as the Workers’ and Peasants’ Red Army. First organized in 1918 by the Bolsheviks to fight the Civil war, it evolved into the army for the Soviet Union after the Union of Soviet Socialist Republics, the USSR was established in 1922. From the 1940s until the collapse of the Soviet Union in 1991, it was the largest army in the world. They adorned the colour Red so as to symbolize the blood shed by the working class in its struggle against capitalism.

cheka It was on a wintery December that the man shown in the picture created the Cheka, the first Soviet secret police organization. Felix Edmundovich Dzerzhinsky established the Cheka on December 20, 1917, 5 days before Christmas. The Cheka then went on to eventually evolve into what was known as the Komitet Gosudarstvennoy Bezopasnosti, better known as the KGB. Among other things, the role of the KGB was to suppress any opinion and/or behavior that was deemed to be unorthodox. Furthermore, those that were seen as not falling into the right ideological line were monitored by the oganization and were delt with accordingly. Similarly, it is Santa that keeps tabs on children throughout the year, making sure they fall into the ideological line of Nicism and Goodism. The KGBesk role that Santa has played in the lives of our young children can clearly be heard by carolers all over the capitalist world with the song Santa Clause Is Coming To Town. The Bolshevik tone of this song is stronger than stench of Santa’s reindeer crapping over the winter snow:


You better watch out

You better not cry

Better not pout

I’m telling you why

Santa Claus is coming to town!

He’s making a list

And checking it twice;

Gonna find out Who’s naughty and nice

Santa Claus is coming to town!

He sees you when you’re sleeping

He knows when you’re awake

He knows if you’ve been bad or good

So be good for goodness sake!

Oh! You better watch out!

You better not cry

Better not pout

I’m telling you why

Santa Claus is coming to town!

Santa Claus is coming to town!

Its like hearing the sounds of the Red Army marching through the streets of Leningrad all over again. Santa not only knows the littlest details about our precious little Suzy, he has her blacklisted on this List that he carries around tracking everyone’s ideological leanings.

norad There are, however, efforts to monitor Santa durring the Christmas Season. The North American Aerospace Defense Command or NORAD is a military alliance between the United States of America and Canada which is responsible for protecting the sovereignty and defence of US and Canadian aerospace. One of the roles that NORAD has taken on is the monitoring and tracking of Santa Claus’s activities. Moreover, NORAD has developed a sophisticated system of radars, satillites, cameras and CF-18 fighter jets to track Santa during Christmas eve. In fact, the same satillites that are used to moniter missile launches aimed at the North American continent are used to track Santa’s sleigh by tracking Rudolph’s nose via infrared sensors. Just as Santa knows about our whereabouts, we know his as well. But this is not enough. The Santa tracking system is only activated on Christmas Eve when the threat level is at its peak. And Santa has never once been detained and held for question as to why he continues to violate the sovereignty and airspace of of almost every country in the world.

Fellow readers, it took us an entire century to defeat the global threat of communism…or so we thought. Communism has continued to overlook our society un-noticed. More and more of our fellow consumers are beinging to realize the truth about Santa Clause. Fellow readers, we must rise up and declare war on Santa Claus. Captialism and its inginuity is what drives the world and we must not let the threat of communism inturrupt the global economy. Responsibility first lies with the parents. It is through their grassroots efforts of educating their children that will give rise to the true intentions of this so called “saint.” Rise up and defeat Santa Claus. Protect Mother Capitalism!

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8 responses to “Santa is a Communist

  1. Actually, Santa Claus, originally a pagan figure of Northern Europe, has been suffering a long series of thefts by religions, politicians and businesses (the colour red is not only communist but also that of Coca Cola!)!
    I’m pretty sure he would like to beleft alone!

  2. the-aye-aye.tripod.com

    ….enought about santa and coca cola…he’s communist, that’s it.

  3. WTF!!! MOTHER CAPITALISM?! NO GOOD DON’T USE THE SAME SYNTAX AS THE COMMIES!!! SAY THIS INSTEAD, PROTECT LIBERTY AND PRIVACY!!!

  4. wow… that’s all I can say

  5. Liberty and privacy my ass. Communism will rise.

  6. Всем Хай Может кто знает ,как выбрать часы наручыне на кожаном ремешке , обязательно качественые при этом дешевые , да и какую маорку выбрать. Оптимальный вариант цены и качества.
    Прошу прощения если не туда

    авторынки новосибирска Мужские наручные часы копии в на seiko женские наручные часы

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