The Power of a Professor

I never really understood the power the words of a professor had until today.  I had always appricated it but I never really felt the true force of it until I witnessed it with my own eyes.  The prof has called us to meet so he could hand stuff back.  Unfortunately, because of some stuff going on with the prof, he couldn’t get everything marked.  But despite that, a handful of us students sat and talked with him for a good 3-4 hours.  This was at the height of exam time too.  Even throughout the semester, we would all stay behind after class and listen to him speak about whatever…be it a movie, The Simpsons, or philosophy.  It occurred to me today just how rare such a prof is.  The students would pass us by during class change and stare as they walked buy this group of students huddled around one man, listening intently, not to miss a word, and have this look on their face that said, “I think I am missing out on something.”  It has been quite amazing to be a part of something like that.  I hope every student that goes to University get to have at least one of those in their career.  They make you appreciate learning in a way that one could never contemplate on their own.  Its simply magic.

Dil Ka Mazar

 

Chahe Mere Baddan Pe Kaffan Baand Do
Chahe Muj Ko Zameen Main Dafna Do
Par Mere Dil Ka Mazar Na Banao

Soom Ta Raha Tumhari Khushboo
Dekh Ta Raha Tumhari Noor
Par Is Dil Ki Noor Na Bhujha Na
Is Dil Ka Mazar Na Bana Na

Kaanon Ko Yaad Ahti Hai Tumhari Hansi
Aankon Ko Yaad Ahti Hai Tumhari Khushi
Khushi Bhe Khush Ho Jatti Hai, Dekh Ke Tumhari Khushi
Par, Meri Khushi Ki Mazar Na Banao
Mere Dil Ka Mazar Na Banao

Is Dil Pe Ghum Na Daal Na
Nazuk Hai Yeh Dil, Dhol Ki Tarha
Baja Na Yeh Dil, Dhol Ki Tarha
Rakh Na Yeh Dil Qareeb, Quran Ki Tarha
Par Na Yeh Dil, Qitaab Ki Tarha
Pi Na Yeh Dil, Sharab Ki Tarha
Paal Na Yeh Dil, Bhenon Ki Tarha
Par Mere Dil Ka Mazar Na Bana Na

-mast malang

I Feel Like a Lamp Post.

I have not yet come to the terms with the fact that people have moved on.  And for whatever reason, I can’t accept the fact that they have moved on without me.  I feel like I am static, like a lamp post.  I see everyone around me moving on with their lives, going to bigger and better places.  And I am still there, in the same spot, stuck, unable to move.  And even if I wanted to move, I don’t know where I want to go.  Everyone is married, having kids, going to grad school, going on trips and travelling.  Everyone is having fun, socializing, making new friends, creating relationships and all that stuff.  I may or may not be doing that, I honestly can’t see.  I need a change desperately but there is no way out.  Just like that light post, I am stuck where I am.  And with the recent events of the past 5 months, I think I have pretty much sealed my fate here in this city.  Just like a lamp post…I provide light where needed but I don’t get anything in return.  Not that I want anything in return, but it would be nice to be appreciated every now and then.  Its not that life is bad or anything.  I don’t sit and wallow in sorrow, far from it.  Its more of observation and realization.  I just want to be happy that’s all.  That’s what we are all looking for.  I have never seen a lamp post happy, ever. 

A Love I Cannot Get Rid Of…

They say that it is better to have loved and lost, than to have not loved at all.  I could not disagree more.  I would have rather not fallen in love than to have fallen in love only to be wrot with such a wretched pain that it rocks my body; such a wretched pain that even the mear thought of her makes me sick to my stomach; such a wretched pain that the jealously has cooked me from the inside; such a wretched pain that it robs me of my sleep, my appetite, my sanity.  I am so much more week than I first started.  I have been defeated.  Years later, I have still not been able to move on.  Cynicism races through my blood.  I still don’t realize I am surviving all of this.  How do people move on?  How do they fall in love again?  I can’t fall in love with anyone else, even if my life depended on it.  I am the product of a love that was lost.  You don’t want to be me…trust me.  This pain lingers and will continue to.  It may become a part of me…it seems that way.  I may have to get used to it.  Will I ever be able to forget her when I am married?  That is one fear that I have, among many.  My other big fear is falling so deep in love that  I may never be able t get out.  I want to talk to her but at the same time  I wish she was out of my life…that she was never in my life to begin with.  I gave everything and now am left with nothing but anger, resentment, cynicism and hate.  And although I appear to be happy on the outside, it is a lie.  I am all but happy inside.  Nobody cares.  Nor should they.  I am but an insignificant being.  Other people have far greater pains and hurts in their lives…legitimate pains.  I was better off when I loved not.